I will admit this now: I am afraid of many things.
Here they are, and here's why.
OH THE HORROR!
Elevators--You are trapped inside a box in a dark elevator shaft hanging by a chord between floors jammed next to people you don't know (who could be killers) , and if the electricity goes out or a fire starts or the thing has technical problems-- YOU ARE DEAD. And if you do like they do on the movies and try to crawl out of the top and shimmy your way down the shaft (like a ninja, whom you think you are) you will slip on the lubricated chords and fall to your death. Or, If the thing shuts down when you're on it by yourself and no one knows about it, you could starve to death on one of those things. Elevators are way too scary. TAKE THE STAIRS, MAN!
Parking Garages--If you've ever seen the movie The Call then you know that parking garages are basically concrete car-filled buildings of death. You want to get kidnapped? Go to a parking garage and wait. You won't be there more than twenty minutes before some psychotic killer tries to reverse their car right over your body, misses, jumps out to apologize, and then jumps you, knocks you out, and throws you in their trunk to take you away to torture and misery. If you EVER have to go to a parking garage, carry an axe with you or something. No pyschotic killer in their right mind (hahah) would ever attack an axe wielding maniac (which you would be posing as). Or, better yet, just never go to one!
The Dark--I don't care what anyone tells you. I don't even care what you tell yourself. The Dark is flipping scary as heck. Go to sleep without a night light? I'm surprised you're still alive. You must be in cahoots with your closet monster because he's obviously killing off all the other baddies that live under your bed, in your walls, in the shadows, in the ceiling, under your pillow etc. There are THINGS in The Dark, I tell you. Every single scary movie ever made basically tells you this. The Dark is not to be trusted. What you can't see can definitely hurt you. And you can't see The Dark because it's The DARK! Sleep with your lights on, make a deal with your closet monster, or get viciously attacked in your sleep.
Spiders-- There is an unspoken rule that many people seem to forget about: The maximum amount of eyes acceptable is two. TWO. Any creature living or dead that has more than the maximum amount cannot be trusted. SPIDERS HAVE EIGHT. Do you see the issue?! Eight eyes that could be watching your every move! Or even if only one or two of those eight eyes are focused on other matters, six to seven of them could be on you! Eight eyes--not okay. Also, LEGS. Any creature living or dead that has more than four is unacceptable. SPIDERS HAVE EIGHT. Do the math--that is twice as many! Spiders have broken the unspoken eye and leg rule, therefore, they must be evil. Also, let us talk of the way they move. They are extremely fast, and very skilled at avoiding ones vicious smashing. I cannot begin to describe to you the spiders that have escaped my wrath because they took a strategic step to the left or right with perfect time and accuracy. Also, spiders do not know how to respect personal space. They ignore all signs or implied warnings. For example, a sign on my bedroom door might read: Knock before you enter. Spiders? They walk right in taking no consideration. They are vain, ignorant, rebellious and sly critters whom I will forever have an axe to grind with.
Tests--Tests are truly the epitome of evil. They feed off of ones fear and use it to power themselves. In fact, the reason that tests escape detection is because they have literally taken over the minds of every teacher ever. They get inside their minds and convince and seduce innocent teachers into believing that the teachers need them in order to survive-- that they need to create them (tests) and force their evil onto students in order to live another day. That truly is one of the most evil things ever done. And it is still undetected to this day. I have a dream that someday this suffering will end. Someday, teachers will never grade another test, and students will never have them forced upon them. Someday.
People--I have three words for you: PEOPLE. ARE. SCARY. People are probably the most scariest things on this earth. They are scarier than elevators, scarier than parking garages, scarier than The Dark, scarier than Spiders, and--I never thought I'd say this--scarier than tests. Do you want to know why? Because you never know what they're thinking. They could be thinking ANYTHING and unless they tell you, you will NEVER KNOW. The only way to get inside their head is to ask them what they are thinking, and if they rebel and REFUSE to tell you-YOU WILL NEVER EVER KNOW. EVER. Now THAT is scary.
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